the void

Filling the void can be a bit of a challenge, I still watch too much telly but at least now it is poor quality, free TV full of adverts for crap we do not really need. I am reading a lot more, luckily I have accumulated a backlog of books that I “never have time to read”.

Obviously spending no time on social media, not watching endless back to back shows and films on Netflix and no longer aimlessly browsing the net for no reason or shopping for more crap has freed up a lot of my time for reading, gardening, cooking and sitting wondering if this is a path I really want to take.

I am confronted with the open endlessness of a future I am unsure about, in a place I really like but that is no longer where I want to be. My partner was rejected a visa for the UK and so we haven’t been able to visit, let alone move there.

I guess like any addiction, money is not an easy one to kick. Partly though, it isn’t easy to think that I am choosing to return to a situation that was difficult, almost ruined my relationship and left me stressed for several years.

Well, no. Not really the same situation, and hopefully a much better one than we would otherwise have. I am not planning to give away all our excess money, instead I will save this up for the future and for a rainy day.

One thing that I am struggling with, is giving up a visit home to the folks. My partner had already booked flights home, the first time in five years. Having to travel so far means tickets cost much more and hence the infrequency. Perhaps I am a little jealous that he gets to go away and visit different parts of his home country for two months, when I usually get three days at my parent’s house.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the chance to have as much time with mum and dad as possible. It is simply my inner-nomad that is crying out to go somewhere different.

I have also felt bummed-out by my failed attempts at reviving my old laptop, with the hope of selling my newer one. Some instant cash and a chance to recycle something that feels a little extravagant. Basically I got Ubuntu installed, after a day of struggling to fix hardware and corrupt files, only to find out that it is incompatible with my work’s website. Arrggghhhh!

My reaction was to go around the house like a madman, unplugging everything! I was glad to discover that my solar charger can fully charge my phone and my e-reader.

I’ll talk about the Kindle another time. I switched to a dumb phone for a week or so but in the end I had to switch back to a smartphone for work. So I dug out my old iPhone 3G, with the same idea being that I can get more and find a buyer more easily for my new phone.

The number of apps I can have is limited, I was pleased with myself to resist the temptation of some others I used too often.

Another downer was finishing Mark Boyle’s book, to have him talk about the importance of those around you. I have my partner and a friend. That’s about it.

Neither of them understand or support me at this stage, and so I feel like I am being pressured to give up. Whatever happens, we need to spend less and save some money. We’ve no pension and no savings. This will hopefully be the arguments to win over my partner.

Watch this space…


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